Recurring nightmares happen for a specific reason — and they are treatable. If you want to understand the why behind them, I’ve written about that here. This article is about what to do next.
Here’s the framework I’ve been putting together. It’s called R.E.S.T.
Reframe nightmares:
You’re not broken. God is not punishing you. This is not an endless struggle that you’re doomed to suffer.
Nightmares can successfully be treated and there are a LOT of studies that have been done that prove this. I’ve built this whole site to show you that. A big part of reducing nightmares is giving yourself permission to believe that you can influence and master the dreams you have each night. You can view the studies I’ve cited, or you can take my word for it. Either way it should give you proof and hope that change can happen.
You can feel safe in your dreams and you can get out of this loop. Try to open the door for yourself today, and let yourself have that hope and safety. That’s really the first step.
Establish Awareness
Though it may be difficult, taking a good hard look at your nightmares is the next step in overcoming them. For some with intermittent nightmares, ignoring them can work, but if that doesn’t happen in a few weeks they can unfortunately stick around. If you’ve been suppressing or ignoring your nightmares for months or years, it’s time for a change.
You’ll need to start writing down what your nightmares are when you have them. Keep a dream journal by your bed and write down what you experienced upon waking. Over time this will give you a log of dreams that you can start scanning for patterns and clues.
Note for those with PTSD: this could be very difficult for you. If you aren’t already, I’d suggest you get the support of a therapist trained to help with PTSD. There is a link between PTSD, Nightmares, and Suicide, and it’s something that you should really have professional support with. If this paragraph is resonating with you I really hope you feel better. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Please remember that you can get better and a lot of people already have even with severe PTSD.
Once you’ve logged your dreams for a while you can start looking for patterns and any changes. You may discover that your dream is identical each night. You may also discover that there are small changes that show you are improving. I’ve worked with a few people that didn’t realize they were making progress until I pointed out small changes.
Strengthen Response
A big part of reducing nightmares is changing how we respond to them when they occur. Have you ever wondered what do you do when you wake up at 2am after a nightmare? It turns out that the answer is to relax, ground yourself, and save interpretation of the dream for the daytime. This is really important, because responding to this situation with fear and stress programs your nervous system to view the nightmare as something to really be afraid of. This causes a feedback loop of expecting a threat, and then experiencing it night after night.
If you’d like structured guidance for building a better nightmare response—including exactly what to do when you wake from a nightmare—I’ve created a printable bedside instruction sheet for exactly that moment.
I’ve also included a five minute audio recording in case you’d rather listen on your phone when you need to.
In addition to responding once you’re awake, Lucid Dreaming Therapy has also shown some promise as another way to reduce nightmares. It’s also been shown to reduce anxiety and depression in those suffering from nightmares.
What is Lucid Dreaming? It’s a method where you become aware that you’re dreaming while you’re dreaming. It can be difficult to develop this skill, but I’ve also worked with a few people who’ve done it the first night I’ve told them about it.
While you’re in the dream you can choose to alter it. Meaning you can flee from the source of the nightmare, turn it into something silly, or confront it face to face. This is a really big topic, and I’m barely skimming the surface here. I’m definitely going to cover it in more detail in future posts. This is just another tool that you can use to get that mastery over your nightmares that I talked about in the opening of this article.
Transform the Script
This is the most powerful tool to reduce nightmare intensity and frequency. It’s officially known as Imagery Rehearsal Therapy. It’s extremely well studied and can provide significant improvement for those suffering from nightmares.
I had unknowingly been teaching people IRT before I even realized that the method was established and studied. Last month I finished a training in the official method, and am really happy to have a more formal understanding of the science and methodologies that have been established.
It’s really not that complicated and you can give it a shot yourself right now. If you have PTSD or really severe nightmares I’d suggest you work with a professional. Multiple sessions with someone trained in IRT have been shown to be more effective in the long run. It’s also important to have support if you’re struggling to deal with hard dreams by yourself.
Basically you will write down your nightmare (which you should have already done by this point, if you’ve been following the system) and take a look at it. Then come up with a new version of it that changes the outcome in a positive way.
If we were working in a one on one session, I’d ask you what you’d like to change the most, and give you the opportunity to come up with what you’d like to alter. So right now, ask yourself what could be different and how it would be better. Read on once you’ve done that.
If you’re stuck and really need help, here’s a few things you could do:
- Identify what triggers the nightmare becoming really bad and change that trigger to something else
- Tell yourself that the source of the nightmare will be transformed into something funny
- Imagine yourself being able to safely leave the source of the nightmare and transitioning into a calm and pleasant environment
Once you’re done imagining, re-write the dream any way you want. Keep the re-written dream close to your bed if it helps you. Then re-read it every night before you go to sleep.
REST Wrap-Up
I hope that this framework has been helpful for you and that you have some hope for your dreams to improve in the long run. I’m currently putting together a REST course, and would be happy to let you know when I’m wrapping it up. If you’d like to know when it’s done, please sign up for my mailing list.
You’ll get a worksheet to print and leave by your bedside to help with that “wake up at 2am moment”, and a bonus audio version in case you want something to listen to on your phone instead.
I really hope you feel better soon.