The first thing I would do if I was you, would be to check for any sources of sleep disturbance. My number one was Obstructive Sleep Apnea. I’ll get into that in detail in just a moment, but first I’d like to stress how important it is that you have a growth mindset about your nightmares and also understand that they’re a neurological/physical thing, not any sort of punishment from the universe or God.
When I was younger the first conversation I had about dreams was with my math tutor, who was a refugee from Vietnam. He was a very cool guy and incredibly smart. One day he looked rough when we met for tutoring. Bags under his eyes and everything. It took me a while to get it out of him, but he eventually told me that he hadn’t slept well because Satan had come into his room and tortured him in the middle of the night.
I was flabbergasted when I heard him say this.
Here’s roughly what he said:
(If you’re about to go to sleep maybe skip past this italicized portion because it’s a pretty harrowing account of his nightmare, and a common experience of sleep paralysis.)
I woke up in my bed in the middle of the night and the room was filled with smoke, red light, and an evil presence. I could not move. As I was stuck there I sensed something very evil in the room. It had two red eyes and wanted to hurt me. I tried and tried to get out of bed but my body would not move. I had to watch as he climbed onto the bed with his muscly body and horns. Then he sat on my chest and stared at me and suddenly my body was in very bad pain. I tried to scream then I couldn't. Finally I woke up yelling with a searing pain in my leg. It was stuck tight in my hamstring and it was like that for hours.
I asked him how he knew it was the devil. His answer was instant and confident: because my mother told me that when I was nine.
That hit me pretty hard. I couldn’t imagine being that scared by that experience, going to my mother for comfort, then being told that it was literally Satan in my bed moments before.
I’m not going to go into religion very much on this site. I believe that any strong beliefs can help you overcome nightmares. That conviction could come from a religious upbringing perhaps. However, I think that being convinced that the most chief demon of hell is paying you personal torment visits at night—backed by years of belief in such a demon, and your mom—is setting you up for a pretty harrowing nightlife.
Also, as an aside, it’s pretty crazy to me but this was apparently his first time experiencing a calf cramp. I showed him how to stretch it out for the next time. My belief is that the cramp was happening while he was asleep and that explains the pain he was having in the dream. It’s very common for physical symptoms to carry over into your dreams.
Sleep Paralysis and The Old Hag
My opinion is that what he experienced was Sleep Paralysis, accompanied by what is commonly referred to as the Old Hag. I’ve read articles that suggest that this phenomenon could actually be the source of much of the monster folklore (e.g. vampires, zombies) that’s been passed down for centuries.
I’ve been a lucid dreamer since a very young age. It was something my brother was able to do naturally, but it was something I had to try very hard to do. As a result of learning it I ended up accidentally experiencing Sleep Paralysis a number of times in my youth. I didn’t experience any Old Hag figures until I was much older and my nightmares got really bad. I’ll go into that in a later post.
Obstructive Sleep Apnea (OSA) and Sleep Paralysis
I’ll cover Sleep Paralysis in greater detail in another post, as well as the Old Hag, but here are some quick points:
- Obstructive Sleep Apnea (OSA) is when your mouth/soft palate/tongue/throat structure are too closed off for optimal breathing at night. This leads to loud snoring, low oxygen, and even choking/gasping for air.
- OSA causes “micro-wakes” nearly constantly. Sometimes as much as multiple times per minute. Severe OSA can have 30 or more events per hour. As a result your body isn’t getting the deep uninterrupted sleep it needs.
- There is a strong connection between OSA and other breathing disturbances, and sleep paralysis (Zadra & Stickgold, 2021).
Dreaming You’re Stuck and Can’t Move
During REM sleep your body locks itself down so that you can’t move and act out your dreams. This is a good thing, and it stops you (ideally) from hurting yourself or anyone in your bed if you’re dreaming of running a marathon or rowing a boat. The problem is that OSA can disrupt this process and wake your mind up while that paralysis is still happening. People will gain consciousness then not be able to move or breathe, which is a terrifying situation. To top that off, with OSA you may be actually choking.
As I’m typing this I’m realizing that I’ll need another post to go into it fully, but here’s what I did to stop these episodes:
Tips for Reducing Sleep Paralysis
- Sleep on your side: sleeping on your back worsens OSA dramatically. If you can manage to sleep on your side you will have an easier time breathing and likely have less OSA episodes.
- Consider nose widening tape and mouth tape: Nose tape will help open nasal passages and provide more oxygen. Reducing mouth breathing can also help with OSA. Check with your doctor before you mouth tape, but there is tape out there that closes your lips and still allows you to breathe easily through them if you need to.
- Weight loss: Losing weight can reduce the size of your tongue, neck, and the weight on your lungs/diaphragm. I know no one ever wants to hear this and it’s very difficult to achieve. There were times in my life when I was skinnier and my OSA was almost totally gone. When I’ve gained weight, it’s gotten worse. Ask my wife.
My number one tip would be to read Close Your Mouth by Patrick McKeown. This book was given to me by a myofascial therapist and it seriously changed my life. Even glossing over what it talks about will be a few blog posts, but to say it briefly, breathing less can actually be really helpful for a variety of medical conditions, including asthma and OSA.
It’s a cheap book, a quick read, and it’s well worth your money.
After I read the book, started sleeping on my side, and did nose and mouth tape my nightmares largely vanished.
If you’re still looking for more information, check out What Actually Helps With Nightmares.
References
- Zadra, A., & Stickgold, R. (2021). When brains dream: Understanding the science and mystery of our dreaming minds. Gardener’s Books.